Ode to a Cow. A Judgmental Cow.

I’ve been back in Dallas for nine months, which seems absolutely insane.  There are still people I haven’t had a chance to see!  Time just passes in a blink, doesn’t it?  Life changes so much – marriages, babies, careers, relocating, moving to the ‘burbs…it goes on and on.  It used to be so easy to grab a drink on a random Wednesday evening!  Ah, growing up.  It’s all part of the fun.

Speaking of growing up, I’ve been looking for a home to buy.  I’ve gone back and forth – do I want a condo?  A townhouse?  Square footage?  Not the kind of square footage that requires a move north of George Bush, and definitely not the kind that requires living north of 121 (love you ladies and gents!) but probably more than Uptown has to offer.  You see, the Dallas market has gone insane.  It’s just like the rest of the country!  Well, it’s still cheaper than anywhere else.  But expensive for here because we don’t have any views.  Or trees.

Anyhoot, $350,000 used to get you a decent older home in the M Streets (just needed a little love) – now it gets you a tear down.  HOA fees of up to $1200 a month for a one bedroom FIXER condo at $250k.  Fixer upper townhouses in Addison for $290,000.  EEEK.  Makes me miss my baby fixer in Richardson – she was a great home for six years and she was practically free.  I’ve earned my MBA and have done alright for myself since then, but sheesh.  Who wants to be house poor when there are handbags to buy and vacations to take?

As usual, I digress.  You guys clicked on here to hear about cows, and I’m gonna talk about cows.  Specifically, the kickass cow painting in the home I put an offer on today.  Who knows if I’ll get it – this house is the belle of the ball, 30 showings in two days and an open house to go tomorrow – but I loved it.  And the biggest sign?  This giant judgmental cow.


Also maybe the pool.  Because you have to have a pool in Texas, and I can see barbecues all summer long.  It’s how I’ll bait my Uptown friends – I have a pool, boozy treats and spare bedrooms!  It’s only 20 minutes north!

When the first thing you hear from the few people you’ve shown the listing to all say, “Do you think they’ll let you keep the cow?” you know you’re on to something. Because here’s my own badass cow:


You see, because this market has gotten much more aggressive, I decided to take an extra step.  I wrote these homeowners a letter about how our cows should be united.  People, this house had 30 showings in two days and there’s an open house tomorrow.  It’s going to be ugly.  I figure whatever I can do to get the edge, I should do.

Here’s the letter I wrote:

Dear So and So (I put their names, but you get the idea.)

I really adore this house. Sure, I love the high ceilings, stone fireplace and plaster molding (not to mention three master closets.) I have plans for the pool and I love that there’s a pet door already installed, but I have to admit I was smitten with the cow.

You see, I have a delightful cow painting of my very own. We call her Judgmental Cow. She hangs above my wine fridge, judging me with every bottle I might withdrawal. She’s also given me a graceful side eye while I’m making a steak. She’s the Mona Lisa of moo.

I bought her at a flea market south of Grapevine – a goodbye present to myself when I moved from Dallas to Seattle four years ago. My cow is painted on top of a rusty piece of barn siding, and I wanted a little piece of home to take with me.

I’ve been back nearly a year, and I am ready to make a home again.

When I forwarded the link to your home to my parents and best friend, here was their response:

BFF: “It’s cute. You should tell them to leave the cow so you can have two judgmental cows.”

Mom: “I love it!!! Do you think they’ll let you keep the cow?”

I’m not kidding, and whether you decide to leave me the cow or not, I think it’s a sign we were meant to be. I thought it might be awkward to pop into the offer letter, but if you don’t happen to have a wall for her at your next stop, you can always leave her with me.


Christina Lee

PS: I’m not sure if she’ll look best in the wet bar, and continuing to side eye me while cooking beef in the kitchen, but she’ll look great.

And then I attached her picture.  Who wouldn’t?  I might be a little crazy, but it’s been a nutty week, I swore off booze for Lent and I needed a little levity.


2 thoughts on “Ode to a Cow. A Judgmental Cow.

  1. My darling daughter….No bovine beauty can be more judgmental than your momma. I do, however appreciate her standing in, and watching over you since I can’t. I love her
    wide cow-eyed glare and hope she’ll soon have a friend she can pass judgement on.
    Love you, honey! Hoping you find the perfect home. xoxo


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