Pizza, Pizza! Without Gluten or Cheese. Sigh.

I woke up sick as a dog today, so what the hell, let’s make some pizza.  Vegan cheese can be made of mostly oil, depending on the brand, and that much oil makes me feel seriously sick to my stomach.  No better time to try a new fake cheese than when my stomach is already a disaster.  Honestly, all I want is some apple juice, but I’m not willing to leave the house to get it.  Yay, Monday?

I’ve done well with the frozen Daiya pizzas, but they’re $10 even at Sprouts.  That has to mean $15 at Whole Foods, right?  Plus, I can add pepperoni to my vegan pizza, which feels subversive.  This is how I break the rules these days.  It’s the 50 Shades of Grey of pizza eating – not really the kink that’s advertised, but just a little shot.  Just the tip, if you will.  Anyhow, I love the pizza sauce at Trader Joe’s and thought I would give this a try.

IMG_1276

Here’s my ingredient list:

  • Trader Joe’s pizza sauce
  • Trader Joe’s roasted red & yellow peppers
  • Trader Joe’s artichoke hearts
  • Trader Joe’s sliced black olives
  • Udi thin gluten free crust
  • Go Veggie Lactose Free Mozzarella “flavor” shred
    • Shit, mozz “flavor”?  I missed that.  Totally getting the Lisanetti almond cheese next time, even though I have to manually shred it with a kitchen tool that I currently do not own.  Ack.  Oh God, it’s going to kill me.  Never let it be said that vegan is all that healthy, especially if you eat anything besides fruits and veggies.  These substitutes are insane.
  • Fiorucci Uncured Pepperoni
    • Because nitrates are the devil, and my skin agrees with me.  Leading cause of acne, at least that one time I consulted Dr. Google.  When you consult Dr. Google and you find any one thing that lines up with what you already want to believe, you stick with it.  And not to be a hater, but according to everything in the news in the last two weeks, my anti-vaxxer friends will understand this philosophy.

Yes, that’s a lot of toppings.  I like my veggies and I like pepperoni.  I miss mushrooms like whoa on pizza, though, almost as much as I miss dipping it in ranch.  Not enough to actually get off my lazy ass and make a ranch substitute, but I digress.

Hmm, this cheese isn’t melting.  Lemme try two more minutes.

IMG_1277

Okay, so it’s not going to melt and my crust will burn.  No courtesy melt, Go Veggie cheese?  Daiya has melts for days, but that’s probably because of the high oil content.

Result?

IMG_1278

The TJ pizza sauce can really make anything taste like gold, and this was pretty decent.  My veggies were delish as always and the crust was only moderately weird.  The edges were crisp and pretty tasty, even.  I might keep this crust in my freezer for when I’m in a pinch, but otherwise I’ll probably stick with the pre-made Daiya pizzas.  Or what I really should do is try some of the homemade stuff again now that I have my Kitchenaid mixer.  That hot pink appliance of love can surely make an excellent crust, especially if I read the directions.  Right, Mom?

Cheers,

Christina

Pizza and Pasta

Eating at home is no problem, and I can generally find my way at restaurants (fyi, steakhouses and Mexican seem to be the easiest.)  When all else fails, like when you’re at Lambert’s in Missouri avoiding those thrown rolls, get a salad.  No dressing.  Because that mess always has soy.

Mom made a great discovery, and that’s gluten-free pizza crust!  I was thankful that tomatoes weren’t on my official “bad” list, even though they come with their own issues, so back to red sauce for me!  I found some pizza sauce that has garlic listed as one of the last ingredients, Daiya mozzarella style shreds, pepperoni and I’m good to go!  Fake cheese is weird stuff, I’ll admit, but when you want pizza you want pizza.

The sad thing is that gluten free, dairy free and soy free pizza still manages to have all the calories of regular pizza.  BOOOOO.  Here’s how it looked!

IMG_0875

Well, one of my pizzas anyway.  We used the Hodgson Mill gluten free pizza crust mix, Daiya mozzarella style shreds, delicious Harter House sausage and some roasted red peppers and hatch peppers.  Yum!

So where does the pasta part of this post come in?  My biggest fear is showing up to a dinner party with lasagna on the menu.  If the salad is already dressed, I’m probably toast, unless I’m at Becky’s house.  She always makes her own dressing with olive oil.  I keep trying to remember that the allergy doctor told me to focus on the biggies when it comes to black pepper and garlic, because they are almost as sneaky as soy.